"15 pounds of raw steel and sex appeal"


Kim. 15.
I ship a Texan & a Kansan with ever bone in my body.
Saw BTR on 7/23/2011.
Met BTR & saw them again on 7/27/2012.
Kogan & Jarlos are forever my OTPs.

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)
  • Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • Dad: Hey are you awake? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • Dad: Fuck the government.
  • Dad: Fuck the school board.
  • Dad: Close the door.
  • Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • Dad: I love puns.
  • Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • Dad: Please shut up.
  • Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
  • Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  • Dad: I hate homework.
  • Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  • Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.

laurenhooper:

awlhf:

supervengers:

omvr:

yo gettin married at 22 sounds a lot like leavin a party at 9:30 pm

yeah but you get to leave the party with your favorite person on the planet, and take off all of your makeup, and put on your ugly comfortable clothes and make popcorn and curl up in your bed and watch a movie, and have sex and go to sleep, idk how that sounds like a bad thing.

And everyone else just wakes up alone and hungover.

this is the best thing ive ever heard


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palegem:

Men want us to kiss them with beards, suck their dicks and kiss their balls with pubes, hug them with hairy arm pits, intwine our legs with hairy thighs, but if women have one hair on our body that isn’t on our head it’s disgusting


nogoodturkey:

there’s a copy of the declaration of independence on the bulletin board in my western civ class

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today while my teacher was out of the room i stole it and put this up in its place

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my teacher laughed and asked who took it but nobody told on me so i got away with it

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i did it i stole the declaration of independence


When you wake up and then just sit there trying to remember the dream you just had.

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where-is-my-comb:

Raven’s dad was a hardcore sass-master.



hellapugs:

when shots are fired but you have a good comeback

hellapugs:

when shots are fired but you have a good comeback


The first time you saw porn on tumblr

sodamnrelatable:

“is this legal?!”

image

Now its just like:

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Happy 26th Birthday Bad!

nickelodeon:

Cody Simpson tries to comfort Austin Mahone after their epic slime experience!

nickelodeon:

Cody Simpson tries to comfort Austin Mahone after their epic slime experience!


my-killz:

The whole world has been against her. She’s become more of a punch line than a celebrity. Instead of celebrating with Lindsay about the small victories as you should with any type of addict (my step father was an alcoholic for 10 years) people have joked about how she can’t do it. I would cry too if someone finally told me to celebrate after spending so long being a joke.